re-inventing

I'm trying this new thing where i'm going to be who i want and not try to impress anyone...people have preceived me that way before but i never really believed in myself that i could be like that...well now i am...i'm tired of people telling me i'm wrong when i know i'm right...I'm not going to let people walk all over me...I'm also trying not speak out when i'm angry or frustrated because i'm only going to get more angry or more frustrated...in the long run i'm hoping that this will help me become a better person...i usually say what is on my mind but what a lot of people don't know i really don't say everything...i keep a whole lot to myself because i'm afraid of people judging me...that is all going to change now...i'm just not going to say anything at all...i will be there for anyone who just needs someone to talk to...thats just who i am...so re-inventing basically means re-inventing myself...tell me what you think

THERE IS A REASON WHY WE ARE CALLED SENIORS!!!

Everyone gets their chance to be a senior and to feel the power of being the top dog...its an execellent feeling to know that through 3years of hardwork is finally being paid off...well i have news for the underclassmen on the cheerleading squad that think they know everything and think that they can run the world...you'll get your turn when you are a senior so don't ruin ours or you will be in for a rude reality check and it won't be pretty...so shut up and keep it to yourself and let us run the show...we have paid our dues and everyone has to up until their senior year when its their turn to run the show...UGH i swear that the sophmores and the juniors on varsity will be in for a rude treat if they don't get their attitutides in check...!!!!!!!!!!!11111

pain

have you ever been in so much pain thats unbearable??...well i go through that everyday, every waking moment....and guess what no one seems to believe me that i have this much pain....its to the point where its numbing pain and i just ignore it....yeah it's impossible at times but i manage to push through it ....honestly i really don't know how i do...i'm afraid to go back to the doctor because i can feel it getting worse and i don't him to tell me now that i can't do anything and i have to have surgey...so what to do next is the hardest thing to figure out....my heart told me to stay and not to let anybody down but my body is regretting my decision.....

frustrated

Cheerleading is starting to get into full swing and its starting to be crunch time.....honestly i'm a little nervous even if i don't admit it...so kathleen don't tell anyone that i am.....i want to be the postitive one and be strong for everyone else because i know everyone is nervous and they are freaking out but i think everyone just needs to relax and chill out....it only the first game not the end of the world and we won't even see any of those teams again so what's the big deal.....as long as we know that we have worked hard and went out there and gave our best then we should have nothing to worry about.......:) but i still keep getting frustrated at everything because i feel like ugh i dunno not going to go into it...

ugh.....help!

ok so i told my friend my crush cause it her ex-boyfriend and i wanted to tell her that i just like him....i had no intentions of dating him i just want to hang out with him and just talk....she completly took it the wrong way i think..i don't want to loose her as a friend but at the same time i can't help that i like him i just do....ugh i don't need another thing to worry about i have too much to worry about now......i've been asking around to my friends on what i should do or think or say and most of them just tell me its dumb expecially since they have been broken up for over a year....ugh i just don't know what to do....help?!?!?!

....

so you know how you joke around with someone but they take it seriously.....i hate that....and you gotta know me to understand when i'm joking and when i'm telling the truth.....most of the time i'm joking but i'm not gunna keep the truth from someone either....i'm going to speak whats on my mind and if you don't like it then don't listen i really don't care......but don't sit there and get mad at me because you don't wanna hear what i have to say...i speak the truth and whats on my mind....some people take it the wrong way but my closest friends respect the fact that i will tell them when they are in the wrong as they would do for me.....so sorry if i offend or make you mad in any way....i don't mean too its just how i am....

the need to relax

This past week or so, especially this weekend, i have been sick....not just your normal flu either.....when i get super stressed i get sick....mom gets worried some days because i get this way...she tells me that i'm killing myself from the inside out......its whatever...i just can't stop worrying about her or everything else...i want everyone around me happy even if its at the expense of mine...thats the reasone why i didn't stop doing cheerleading..i wanted everyone to be happy that we didn't have to start over...now i'm suffering the consequences....i tell everyone it doesn't hurt or its getting better but its really not...it's not that i'm lieing about anything i just don't want everyone worrying about me.....i just want everyone to know that i stayed for the team and i didn't want to let them down.....but i constantly worry about everyone else and i just them to be happy

Secret Crush

Usually i'm very open about who i like and who i'm crushing on to my closets friends but this time i have kept my crush to myself for a very long time....i like him but i just don't know what everyone would say if i told anyone....he does go to our school and i see him everyday...everytime i see him i just smile because he is really funny and seems like a fun person to hang out with...but i know also like every guy out there he can be a real jerk...hmmmmmm don't know what to do

Bad day

Today was a bad day...i just don't want to deal with things anymore...mom had a doctor appointment today and i have been worried all day long...then my best friends are being jerks to me and ugh.....well i don't know know what to do?!?!!!!

scared

Not many people know whats going on in my life and i like to keep it that way but i will say this....i'm going through one of the hardest scariest times in my life.....i have my friends and family to support me and to help me and my immeditate family and i thank you all for that....i never thought something like this would happen to me but it did.....i just hope everything will get better and be ok...i'm glad i have such great friends to help me

Decision

ok so i had made my decision on cheerleading....i have decided to stick it out and battle through the pain....i hope everyone can understand thou i'm doing this for the sake of the squad and for myself.....physically i can't handle all the stress that cheerleading puts on my body but not cheering would destroy me mentally....i love cheering, i never thought i would, but i do...its my life and its who i am...not matter how good we are or how bad we stink, its a big part of my life.....even though i'm sticking this out i'm still in a whole butt load of pain like i go home and cry every night because it hurts so bad....and you know what?...i'm ok with that because i didn't let my team or myself done for quitting.....this has been one the hardest week of my life and i'm glad its finally over and i'm totally ready for homecoming to begin :D....also ready to show everyone how good we have gotten :)

don't know what to do

ok so i went to the doctor and they told me they can't stop me from cheering but they recomend that i stop to rest it so it can get better....but i really can't do that because its too hard on me just to drop everything i worked for and stop.....i want everyone to experience what i did my freshman year.....the red bird arena....all the fans gathered around just to watch you do what you do best....you know the rutine like the back of your hand but you mentally go through it just in case....then you walk out and see everyone and see the lights and then you focus on the judges and for the next 3 minutes of your life thats all you can focus on is those people who have your cheerleading fate in the plam of their hands....but even though your freaking out cuz this is STATE your sooooooooo super excited to be there no matter what happens happens we had made it that far and look at all the teams we had beat to get there...i just want everyone this year to experience that.....its soooo much different from trying to get there....ugh so confused on what to do...any help??

hmmmmm clueless right about now have to get back soon